Knock Knock! Who's there?

It wasn't that I didn't believe in love. I did quietly. Stubbornly. But I'd made a silent promise to someone I hadn't met yet. Maybe a princess who I'll see becoming a queen, but for that I had to be ready to become a king too! So I worked at two companies, at the same time - not for wealth, but for a kind of readiness. Relationships felt like beautiful detours I couldn't afford. Not because I didn't feel, but because I felt too much for a future I was still building.

By August 2024, the weight of routine had settled too deeply into my bones. I had reached many of the goals I'd once only whispered to myself, but the air around me felt still. So I chose to stretch, to step into something new. I decided to go to the UK for higher studies - not to run, but to rise.

Life begins in Edinburgh!

Everything started too well. I made friends easily - warm, lively people who spoke of parties and long-term loves: five years, four years, stories stitched with history. I smiled, listened, then returned to the quiet of my room. My thoughts echoed something is missing. At first, I blamed the stillness on free time. So, I decided to write a book on probability to keep myself occupied. I finished it. Felt proud, for a day. Then the emptiness returned.

It wasn't that I didn't want to be with someone. I did. But no one felt quite right, and forcing it felt worse than being alone. Eventually, it turned from longing to irritation, and then to a strange calm. I stopped searching. If it was meant to happen, it had to be unexpected—something out of a movie. A quiet, accidental kind of magic. I decided I'd wait for that, or nothing at all.

From Why? To Why Not!

I visited my old Math professor, Mr. Pankaj Rai, in Buckinghamshire. Over tea, he nudged me gently, as always. “If you stay in your room, no one will know you exist, let alone love you,” he said. “Start easy - social media, maybe even dating apps. Just be careful.” I scrunched my nose. “Eww. I hate dating apps.” He raised an eyebrow. I explained - they turn people into profiles, always hinting that someone better is just a swipe away. You never truly lose or hold anyone. Connection becomes disposable. I refused.

Five days later, boredom won. I downloaded an app - more out of curiosity than hope. Nothing felt right until, one evening, I stopped at a profile that made me pause. I liked it without overthinking and went to bed. Two days later, we matched - and strangely, I remembered her. I was drowning in exams and replied late, but she waited. I kept fumbling - wrong words, slow replies - and she kept forgiving. She felt unreal. Too kind, too patient. I dropped my number, unsure she'd ever use it. But then, on May 3rd, my phone lit up!

“Knock knock!”, it was her text.

“Who’s there?”, I asked in disbelief.

“Guess who :)”

“The one who made the stupid app worth it!”